I’m getting real – My Cancer Story and sometimes anxiety wins

This is a totally unrelated post. But I’m struggling. HARD. The last week or so has not been easy. I will understand if no one reads this post. I’m kind of writing it as a way to deal with and face my current emotions. They’re fighting to overtake me, and they’re winning. So if I get this off my chest – maybe it will help. But mainly I needed a reason to sit down and focus. Even using essential oils and powerful anxiety meds, I can’t seem to win. My arms and legs are shaking, my breaths are shallow, and I feel light headed. Not to mention I’m so tired because sleep has been impossible lately. This is the scariest thing i’ve ever written. Honestly, I don’t talk about it. Ever. Because the emotions that flood me are overpowering. But I’m going to get this out there. **Warning – there will be swearing** Here we go…… deep breath

The beginning

I’ve had thyroid problems since I was about 10 years old. It would bounce back and forth between hypothyroidism (underachieve) and hyperthyroidism (overactive) a few times a year. I was getting blood work done every 3-6 months to try and figure it out. As I got older, it changed a little less and then finally decided to stay under active. In my mid teens, during a routine ultrasound, they reported that I had nodules on my thyroid. I was assured this was normal and nothing to be concerned of. So I didn’t worry. In the summer of 2016, I got a new doctor who wanted a current ultrasound. She said that one of my nodules had grown to 1.2cm in size and was now large enough for a biopsy. She assured me that this was small, and that a biopsy was not necessary at this point, but let me decide. I considered not doing it. The thought of a large needle going into my neck was not a pleasant thought. But, as my cousin was currently undergoing chemo for a different type of cancer and was most likely going to lose the battle within the next year no matter how hard he fought, I went for it.

In September, we got the results that it was ‘suspicious’ for papillary carcinoma. AKA Thyroid cancer. When you see people get results like this in a movie, it always feels so fake. But I can say it’s pretty spot on. Your eyes can’t focus, the room gets blurry, and you immediately think of all the things in your childrens, husbands, and families lives. Within 10 seconds of hearing those words, I pictured my son getting his drivers licence and me not there to see the happiness on his face behind the wheel. I saw my daughter in a wedding gown, arm in arm with her father, getting ready to walk down the aisle, and I wasn’t there to tell her that she’s beautiful. I was scrambling with the letters that I wanted to write to them at those moments in their lives so that they know what I think of them and just how proud they made me every single day. It was fucking terrifying.

The drive to fight for your life comes later, once things calm down and you get some details from the doctor. For me, my prognosis was fairly positive. If there’s ever a cancer you want to get; it’s this one. She was fairly confident that she could remove my thyroid and it would be cured. Yes, CURED! My nodules were small and the lymph nodes that the cancer would typically spread to were clear. This was good news. So now I knew what I was dealing with and I would be ready.

The beginning of October came, and I just wanted it out. I wanted the cancer out of my body so we could move onto the next phase. With my family by my side, I went into surgery knowing that I was surrounded by love. 4 long hours later I was wheeled out of the OR and gave my family the thumbs up and told them I loved them. Nothing can keep me down!

me after sugery

The After

Healing took a lot out of me, but it was easier to handle knowing that it was out of my body and lymph nodes were clear. There were 5 nodules in total and 3 of those were cancer. I didn’t expect 3, and that took a long time to process. My next step was a radiologist in London. That was a great experience. She held nothing back. She was through, detailed, and listened. That’s where I learned that I was stage one, which is considered VERY early. They were happy. They also said that none of my lymph nodes showed signs of inflammation or infection, so as far as they were considered, it hadn’t spread. Which meant NO RADIATION! I was overjoyed! They said that I was discharged and considered cancer free, and would go back to my regular doctor for 6 month follow ups. I felt like I was breathing again for the first time in months.

I count myself lucky in this cancer story. There was an easy fix. A surgery, possible specific radiation, and then follow ups. All the doctors told me how lucky I was and I agreed. They told me there is still a small chance it may come back, but it’s easy to spot and easy to treat.

Years later

Even though I know that they can spot if I’m out of remission, it doesn’t stop the thought from entering my mind on a consistent basis. I know that I need help dealing with what happened. My doctor said that I’m displaying effects of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and I couldn’t agree more. Every tiny ache and pain is cancer as far as I’m concerned. I freak out, even though I know that rationally, its something small and virtually nothing, I panic. My logical brain gives way to the emotions that kicked me into fight mode during this whole ordeal. It’s exhausting. Absolutely exhausting. I know that I need to talk to someone, which is something I’ve only admitted to myself last week. But I need help dealing with these fears and emotions because they’re starting to take over and effect my every day life.

Which brings me to current day. As I said in my weekly wrap up post on Sunday, I’ve been experiencing some health issues. My rational mind says don’t worry! You just saw your doctor and she said levels were good and where they need to be. But the thing is, that I’m having neck pain and can feel a lump in my neck. This is explainable. I’ve been having muscle and chiropractic issues so it could just be a knot in my neck and inflamed tissues. But my mind immediately things that it’s cancerous lymph nodes. The pain in my neck and jaw could be related to an inner ear issue. There are so many simple and small reasons that these things are happening, but my anxiety won’t let me think clearly. I’m currently in panic mode awaiting ultrasounds and information. I can’t sleep anymore because I lay in bed filled with fear.

My husband is my rock. I’ve been an awful person to deal with lately but he’s always hugging me and telling me that no matter what it is, we will get through it together. And even if the cancer has returned, from what the radiologist has told me, it’s simple. But I’m caught in the in-between again just waiting to know what it is and what needs to be done. And that’s where anxiety thrives.

I know that there are many bloggers out there who have been dealing with cancer and other serious diseases. So you know what I’m going through. I hope you know that you are not alone. And I hope that maybe you could give me some advice on how to handle this before I can find a professional to talk to. I feel like I’m not functional in my life right now.

If it wasn’t for my husband, kids, parents, books, and this blog, I would have given up. All of these things take my mind off the fear and into a happy place. If you’ve read this far – I thank you!

I also wanted to take a quick second to say that life is short. You don’t really realize just how true that statement is until you face something like this. Don’t take a single sunset, summer breeze, laugh, smile, or hug for grated. Soak every bit of it in!!!! And don’t ever be afraid to take chances if it’s something you want!! This blog is an example of that. I normally would have been too afraid to fail. But this cancer scare showed me that there’s no time in life to hold back. Failure is always a possibility, but you’ll never know until you try. Even if you fail – grieve. It’s ok. Be sad or mad! But if you wake up tomorrow, dust yourself off, and make a game plan to make that day into something amazing. Every day is a gift – a new opportunity to succeed at something else, and a new day to make yourself happy and make memories.

Sorry this was long, but it calmed me down, and I hope that this helps people to not fear something new. Because life really is short. Grab your today’s and go for it! There’s nothing holding you back.

Until next time, happy reading!

 

104 Comments Add yours

  1. I am not liking this post because I’m sad you are suffering. Praying for you Shanah…..go to the doctor for your peace of mind……💖💖 You are such a strong woman from what I have just read and you got through so much already, you will get through this as well.👍👍 You got this!!💖❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much!! I think it’s waiting for that peace of mind that’s really getting to me. These issues could be so simple yet my mind takes it to a scary place. I’ll keep focusing on work, books, and family to keep my mind off things 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. DL Jung says:

    Wow, thank you for sharing all of this and you’re amazing for turning this into a positive message for all of us. I hope the fact that you’ve made my day a bit brighter helps. I can’t really know what you’re going through, but your story helps me to imagine it. Sending you warm wishes and hugs and hoping for brighter days ahead for you soon! 🤗

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That makes me so happy to hear that!! If I had to go through something like this to realize that I can’t take ANYTHING for granted, it was an awful way to learn the lesson but I’m a better person for it. If I can pass that on to others then I’ve done something good 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time – I do hope you get good news x

    Liked by 2 people

  4. If I could jump the hundreds of miles between us to squeeze you in a tight, tight hug, I would. (And I’m not a hugger…haha!) I know exactly how you feel, exactly what you’re thinking, and exactly why you feel the way you do. It sucks. It sucks MAJORLY. And I want you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts. Sending so much love, Shanah. So many healing vibes.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. One day soon we need to get together and finally give each other all these promised hugs! I’m pretty sure that when I meet you in person I’m just going to cry all over you lol

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Anna says:

    Thank you for sharing your story! I’m sorry you’re having to go thorough this. Sending you some healing energy 💕✋🏼

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Ruqs says:

    Thank you so much for sharing something so personal on this blog, and I for one really appreciate the honesty and frankness. ❤️ This post also made my day, and really broadened my mindset on life in general. You’re such an amazing and hardworking person, and I wish the very best for you in your health. I would just like to add that, as one of your followers, I would never want for you to feel pressurised because of this blog, in regular posting and such. If you feel like it is becoming a tough time to keep up, please do feel free to take an unannounced break, and I for one would 100% understand. On another note, it is lovely to know that this blog provides a solace for you, and I’m glad it made you feel better after writing it. Thank you so much for transforming this post into a positive message for us all, and thank you for taking your time to talk us through the things you’re going through, and I wish the very best for you and your family ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This makes me so happy. If there’s a way to get over something like this, it’s taking it in a positive direction. My life has changed for the better in so many ways because of it. I’m glad you could take something away from this 🙂❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ruqs says:

        I’m so glad it made you happy. That is such a positive way to look at this and I admire you for having the strength to do that. Thank you once again for sharing this ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Thanks for sharing such a personal post I don’t think I could ever write anything so personal on my blog. Have ever considered Mindfulness? A few years ago when I was very stressed I took it up and it was so helpful bringing peace to my mind and body. I used the Headspace App and did it daily for about 2 years and it really calmed me down. Thinking of you and your family and sending a big hug xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No I’ve never heard of it. I’m going to have to look that up tonight. Thanks for the recommendation 🙂 I’ll take all the help I can get right now!

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Justine says:

    Well, now I’m crying on the bus. I cannot imagine the pain and fear you’re experiencing, but you’re so strong for making it so far in this journey! You’re one of the kindest and most supportive people I’ve met (blogging pals totally count as having met, right?) and I just know you’ll continue to have the love and support of your family and friends! I’m sending you hugs from many, many miles away.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh no!!! I’m sorry you’re crying on the bus!! I hope it’s not a bus you take often so that some of the regulars won’t proclaim “there goes the crazy crying lady” 😂
      And yes I consider us friends that have met. We’ve talked enough 🙂 I would love to one day cross the pond and actually meet in person but money hates me lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Justine says:

        I’m going to have to move again! I’m pretty sure the bus driver saw me 😶

        One day!! I’d like that very much 😄

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Darn. Moving already? And you just got that nice reading room. Sorry! 😂

          Like

  9. Crystal says:

    I am so sorry you’re having to go through these things. I couldn’t begin to imagine what you’re dealing with. Sending my thoughts and prayers your way. 💕💕 *virtual hugs*

    Liked by 2 people

  10. R.K. Lander says:

    That was brave! And hopefully therapeutic. I won’t say I’m sorry and I won’t offer you my pity because you don’t need that. You are doing everything right – there is just no easy way to do this, and that is the bottom line. I have never had cancer but my husband did and I know what you’re going through right now. I also believe that your appointments are close by, close enough to stop the cancer from getting away from stage one – not enough time! Look at it that way and even if it did get to stage two – still – that is NOT irreversible, it’s not something you cannot handle.
    I hope you’ll keep us posted; we all want more bananas!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. We all want more bananas?!? Bwahahahaha 🍌
      I’m so sorry you’re husband has had to go through this. It’s not only the person with the cancer that’s effected. It families as a whole. And it’s not easy. Hope your husband is doing well now!!!

      Liked by 2 people

  11. That was a lot to get off your chest! The things you said made me think of my husband after his open heart surgery at age 32. For years every twinge would send him into a panic. He had quite a few stents put in over the years but only last year when he went to therapy did he understand what his brain was reacting to everytime he had an ache. It was PTSD. Luckily we haven’t had an emergency room visit in a year. As scary as it is, finding out stops the worrying. Keep us posted! xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh boy that would be scary!! And so young! Every little thing would most definitely cause panic. Did seeing someone help him handle his fear and anxiety?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes, it really did. He found a former navy therapist and he is wonderful. Seriously we were spending more time in the ER than at home, but now he is much better about building it up to something huge in his mind. His heart doctor also prescribed marijuana! The therapist agreed. We shall see.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I live in Canada where marijuana is legal and freely prescribed. I have anxiety meds but only take them when necessary. Glad he found help and that it worked! I hope to do the same soon!

          Liked by 1 person

  12. thanks for sharing this with us, and i’m glad it made you feel better. you have so many people rooting for you and i think i speak for a lot of people who think you should feel free to dump your emotions here whenever you need to. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ruqs says:

      I totally agree with you ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Annalee says:

    I am so sorry that you have to go through that. *virtually hugging you from my room*

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I think it is really brave that you shared this story with us! I am so happy that you have people in your life that love and support you through all of this! I am hope writing this all out helped in some way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s something I’ve wanted to share for about a year now but was too afraid to 😂 getting all that out there made me feel bettwe

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Lola says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. Cancer touches all of us, either directly or indirectly, and it is a scary word, a scary disease. I completely understand your anxiety. I think we all do.

    Maybe you could explain your anxiety to the hospital and bring your appointment forward? Or see if there has been a cancellation that you could slot into?

    I don’t have any advice about how to deal with your anxieties unfortunately. I can only offer a virtual hug… xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. Cancer effects many people and in many different ways. It’s awful.

      Luckily I have my ultrasound on Thursday. The doctor is aware of my anxiety and do things as quickly as they can. I should have answers soon🙂

      Like

  16. Beware Of The Reader says:

    Shanah I haven’t experienced what you went through (and hope I’ll never will) but I understand anxiety as i’ve suffered from them while younger. As you said your logical mind tells you this is not serious but your reptilian brain shouts “alarm, alarm” and it’s nearly impossible to overcome such crisis. The only mean I had was concentrate really hard on something else. I think asking for help is the right decision. I hope you’ll get better soon. Just rest and rest and rest as it can cause anxiety.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope you never experience it either! It’s a personal torment that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
      I have an appointment soon and I’m going to ask for a recommendation for a therapist. One of these days my logical brain can work together with my anxiety. Or that’s what I hope anyway!

      Like

  17. Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t imagine how hard that was for you. I suffer with anxiety pretty bad at times, but I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. Cancer is just so scary. I just lost my step dad to cancer and this week a girl I went to school with passed away (I think she was 38, I was friends with her older sister). There has been so much of it lately and it really freaks me out. I’m so glad to hear that you are cancer free and I hope things will start getting better for you soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cancer is a hard enough thing for a strong person to handle. But with anxiety everything feels amplified. It’s all so terrifying!! Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. 38 is way too young. I hope to talk to a professional and get this all under control 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I really hope that helps. I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling. (((hugs)))

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I felt a little better after posting it. I didn’t post it for sympathy. I mainly did it just to talk and get it off my chest. And maybe include a positive message at the same time 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I’m so glad posting helped a little bit.

            Liked by 1 person

  18. Readyouleyre says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m fortunate enough to have never had cancer, nor do I have anyone close to me that has suffered from it, so I can’t understand what you went through. Just know that you’re thought of and loved. You have all my support and I’m so glad you find peace in this little space in the internet that you share with us.
    The message of this is so powerful. Live your life to the fullest truly is the best way to live

    Lots of love from Spain

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind message. It’s words like this that can lift the fear for just a little bit. It means a lot. Thanks ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  19. omg. You are such a strong woman. Really loved your story. I’ve been very close to some family members that are proud cancer survivors and although I don’t TRULY know what it is that you (and my family members) went through, I recognize how hard it can be. Keep going strong and thank you so much for sharing ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Sometimes though, its just as hard on those around the person with the disease. They can only sit and watch and try to support. It’s not an easy task either

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Taylor says:

    I know somewhat how you feel. I have had cancer twice but unlike your cancer I had Leukemia which is a blood and bone cancer. Sometimes my thoughts can also get the best of me and I assume the worst is happening. I know you don’t really know me, but if you ever want to talk about what’s going on with someone who has some perspective on what you’re going through, please feel free to email me. I’d love to talk with you. I hope all is well with you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awe that means so much. You were one of the people I was thinking of while writing this post. In comparison to MOST, what I went through is a walk in the park. People with leukaemia, colon cancer, lung cancer, and so many more, have a fight that is so much more painful and difficult. Not to mention long. I consider myself lucky in comparison and know that my fight isn’t nearly what you have gone through. I feel guilty sometimes when I compare. But I know that each struggle is different and this is mine. No one who hears the C word has it easy in the long run.
      I just may take you up on that offer some time 🙂 thanks doll

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Taylor says:

        You should never feel guilty comparing what you went through with others who have had cancer as well. Cancer is cancer is cancer and it sucks.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes!! It does suck! It’s not fair in any way. But having supportive people surrounding you makes it a little bit easier 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Taylor says:

            That’s so true.

            Liked by 1 person

  21. I think one of the most difficult things as a writer is to bear your soul and tell your story and I think you are cool for admitting that you are struggling. I have no idea what you are feeling and I won’t pretend otherwise. But I love your writing and your reviews and I will check on you as often as you post. I hope tomorrow is better than today and so on and so forth!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awe thanks so much! One of the hardest things a person (especially me!) is to admit that they’re struggling. I’ve changed so much over the last few years and the one thing I’ve learned the quickest is that you can’t do everything alone. And also, it does not help to keep things inside. Writing about personal experience is tough. You can make up characters and a world, but when it comes to your own experience, it’s just so raw!

      Liked by 1 person

  22. hannahsnovelnonsense says:

    It feels wrong to like the post because I don’t ‘like’ what you’re going through but I wanted to show my support and wish you the best xx

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Sending up a prayer and sending you a virtual hug 😊 My mom had breast cancer but even having someone close to you go through it isn’t the same as having to live through it yourself so I can’t say I understand, but I can say that I pray you will continue being strong and brave and your absolutely wonderful self. I don’t *know* you per say but I’ve loved reading your blog posts and glimpsing the person who shines through them. I know I’m just some random internet stranger lol but I think you’re a lovely person and I truly hope tomorrow will be better, and the next day a bit better than that, and that each day no matter how hard or unexpected you’ll keep your chin up and hold onto the knowledge that you have loved ones rooting for you in heart, home, and cyberspace 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! And I don’t consider you an internet stranger! You’re an internet friend.
      I will say that sometimes it’s just as hard to watch someone go through this because you feel so helpless. Thanks for your support. It means a lot. Sorry your mom went through that. I hope she’s doing well now!

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Dreamy Reads says:

    Shanah thank you for sharing and you’re a very strong woman. One of my family member had cancer and I can’t even imagine how much courage you’ve shown through all this. We’re all here for you. You have your blog, your books, your family and your friends so don’t lose hope. And thank you for those beautiful words. Sending you loads of warm hugs ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Angie Mela says:

    You are such a brave lady and I’m really proud of you! You went through such a difficult situation and you won! Don’t you EVER give up! You are strong, you have a lovely family who loves you and most of all, your kids! Even the thought of them gives a mother the courage and strength to overcome all difficulties, even if difficulties seem unbearable sometimes! I wish you ALL THE BEST from the bottom of my heart and always remember YOU ARE ALREADY A WINNER! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so very much 🙂❤️

      Like

  26. hannawsreads says:

    Thank you for sharing this! I do hope you get good news. I haven’t had cancer but many in my family has and sadly all of them have list the fight. I do fear every day that I’ll have cancer and well, I’m constantly diagnosing every ache as a cancer. But you’re a strong woman and I’m sending all the love and strenght from Finland! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! It’s hard not to immediately jump to conclusions when you have random aches and pains. That fear and anxiety is awful. I hope you yourself never experience it!! ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Thank you for sharing your story! I have my fingers crossed that it’s not cancer but something super easy to deal with instead. Speedy healing! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Hi Shanah, you are so brave to put yourself out there like this. I’m sorry for the struggles you are facing. I wish you many blessings and hope that you continue to find the strength to deal with anxiety. I saw a post yesterday and then I read yours… I hope it brings a least a little spark of bright for you:
    https://peacefrompanic.wordpress.com/2018/03/13/an-awe-inspiring-chain-reaction/
    Keep well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing that!! I used to hide my anxiety and my fears because I thought it made me weak. It’s people like that that help you realize you aren’t alone and talking about it helps yourself and maybe inspires another 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome. I never realised how paralysing it could be. People like you who talk about it make it easier for others to battle through and you raise awareness for many more to be more empathetic to those who need support.

        Liked by 1 person

  29. Steph says:

    Oh man, I was tearing up reading this!! Thank for sharing your story and your words. Cancer is a terrible fear of mine, but hearing stories like yours I know it’s something not worth living in fear over- like you said, life is short! I’m so glad you beat it and I hope you feel better and worry less over it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! Fears take over your life sometimes. It’s hard not to. But making it through, talking it out, and support systems that surround you, make you a stronger person in the end 🙂❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Shanah, I am so sorry to hear what you’ve been through!

    You’re such a strong person. You’re like a super mum, super wife and super blogger all in one! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. I hope the results will ease your worrying.

    You can always rant about things on here and we’ll all listen to you and help you as much as we can, because we don’t just care about your book posts, we care about you too. It helps to get stuff off your chest, and although it’s so hard to open yourself up like you have in this post, you shouldn’t ever feel that you’re inconveniencing your followers by posting about your well being. Your blog is your little bit of the internet and you’ve built up a great following of people who care about you.

    So keep going, even when you don’t want to. We’re all here rooting for you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. I always try to keep this blog a positive place. My escape in a way. But sometimes it’s nice to vent about me personally too I guess. I always like to hear about other people’s personal lives as we all have struggles and things we need to talk about. I’m so thankful to have such a great group of people in this community! ❤️❤️

      Like

  31. Norrie says:

    Sorry to hear you’ve not been well.
    * hugs * ❤

    I'm terrified of getting cancer and being all on my own and abandoned, and whatnot. It's great you are with your family who support you all the way! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much ❤️ it’s a terrifying thing all the way around.

      Liked by 1 person

  32. You are an incredible person Shanah and so brave for sharing your story. I wish you and your family all the best! ♥

    Liked by 1 person

  33. kyera says:

    I hope you know that if you ever need to talk, I’m here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much. That means a lot ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  34. The Other Weasley says:

    I’m glad that writing this post helped you to feel calmer. Sometimes, worry just invades every part of the brain and it’s hard to get out.
    I’m glad you have this blog so you can reach out when you need it. Although I love all the book talk, these posts are important too!!

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Thank you so much for sharing your story! ❤ You're so brave! It's great that you have such an amazing support system. I hope you're able to get some sleep soon! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  36. That was beautifully written and I’m so sorry that you’re having such a tough time. Wow life is cruel. Keep going … you’re doing great. Glad to have met you! Katie x

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Thank you for writing this post. My daughter has just started treatment for Osteosarcoma and the rollercoaster you describe is exactly what we are going through. She is only 7 and you words have helped me understand just a small percentage of what she must be feeling and can’t verbalise. I hope this finds you week and sending you countless amounts of positivity x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my heart is just aching for you. Only 7? That’s my sons age. I just can’t imagine. The fear I felt for myself was intense, but I know for a fact that my fear would be so much harder to handle if it was my child. I hope she is comfortable through her treatments and I will be thinking of your family a lot. Many positive thoughts that the treatment is a success ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. Positivity is the only option! We refuse to let this break us x

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That’s the best attitude to have! Not easy, but keeping in that frame of mind is what you need right now. How is she handling treatment?

          Like

  38. Jayati says:

    I can only imagine what you are going through. I cannot promise you that everything will be okay, but I ask to be hopeful and optimistic for what is to come in the future, You are an extremely brave woman. I hope only good comes your way and that everything becomes okay. Do not be fearful of what is to come. The future may seem scary but embrace it, live life as you want and don’t let your cancer change or affect it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for your kind words. It means a lot! Luckily the ultrasound came back clear!! Cancer free still! 🙂🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Jayati says:

        Thank God! I hope nothing changes and you stay alright. I will be praying for you, always.

        Liked by 1 person

  39. Shanah, it can be so tough and the mental part is out of control at times, for sure. I agree that writing helps to get a bit of the angst out of my head. We must always live with cancer thoughts and it is how we process those thoughts that is challenging! Be well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The mental games cancer plays is sometimes worse than the physical!

      Like

  40. Livinia Ren says:

    Dear Shanah I have recently UST had my thyrode out, due to suspect for cancer. I’m just waiting for the call about the results. I’m terrified to say the least. But post was inspiring ,💛💛💛💛keep fighting, and enjoy those beautiful sunsets. Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hope you’re healing well! It’s awful waiting. That was the worst part. And it sucks that they can’t really tell you for sure until after the thyroid is removed. I’ll be crossing my fingers that it was only central to your thyroid and that you won’t need any further treatment! Best wishes! Please let me know how it turns out if you remember. Have any questions, I’m here!

      Like

      1. Livinia Ren says:

        Bless u, I know exactly what your going through. I had my opp just over 3 weeks, so still a little bit sore. My trauma is waiting for these results! I hate it! The doc is supposed to phone me tomorrow’s – to see if I need the extra treatment. So good to talk to someone who has gone through the same thing 🤗

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Agreed. When I went through it I had no one to talk to. Since then I had a few others reach out while they were waiting for surgery. I’m glad that I could be there to help them!
          Were your lymph nodes clear before surgery do you know?

          Like

          1. Livinia Ren says:

            Yes i think they were

            Like

          2. Livinia Ren says:

            Thank u for your reply will let you know when I get my results.

            Liked by 1 person

          3. Whew!! That’s a really great sign. If your lymph nodes were clear you may not need treatment because that means it didn’t spread. I was the same way. A year and a half cancer free and going! Good luck!

            Liked by 1 person

          4. Livinia Ren says:

            Hi, just had the news that the cancer did not spread. So overwhelmed with joy.

            Liked by 1 person

          5. CONGRATS!!!!!!!!! So happy for you! Enjoy the weight that’s been lifted from your shoulders 🙂💗

            Like

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